| I'm fucking bored. |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|02:42 am] |
I'm going to watch the Matrix Trilogy in the Rec Room.
.... Don't ask why,... I'm just,...
If anyone else wants to come,... byob |
|
|
| Looking Back |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|12:37 am] |
Two years,....
Rest in peace. |
|
|
| skinny skinny skinny |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|09:48 pm] |
If all you do is sleep, drink, shit, and occasionally,... sometimes,... bathe,... you lose alot of weight.
Where oh where are my boobs going?
....
::goes to make a sundae::
... i'm still waiting on you. |
|
|
| Old Pictures From The Mental Institute |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|04:55 am] |
::Shrug::
I am,... not in the best place at the moment,... but fuck it. Dani's going to help me clean my room some,... since it's uh,... trashed as fuck.
Decided to post some of the work I did while I was gone for so long,... more will be posted as I find the fucking shit.
( Frost )
( Dani ) |
|
|
| Should Haves. Shouldn't Haves. |
[Jul. 17th, 2007|06:37 am] |
I should have told her I loved her.
I should have married him and kept him forever.
I should have licked Trent Reznor's face.
I shouldn't have run away.
I shouldn't pretend I'm alright when I'm not.
I shouldn't be here. |
|
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| DO IT |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|03:02 am] |
Watching mindless hours of Happytreefriends.com has awakened the child in me, and with it, the childs cure to boredom.
Truth or Dare.
I will be in the Danger Room in 30 mins to play, if anyone would like to join me the password to enter the room is BACON. |
|
|
| Cartoon Violence |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|08:00 pm] |
|
Happy Tree Friends makes everything all better. |
|
|
| Our Lady Peace - Don't Stop |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|04:04 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Our Lady Peace - Don't Stop | ] |
"Don't Stop"
Can't get out of bed
Straighten up my head
I swear this is goodbye
I feel like lying here
I feel like dying here
And only you can save me tonight
I felt this earth spin and crash
The end of the world shouldn't come so fast
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better than you
I feel powerless
I feel underdressed
I swear this is goodbye
I don't wanna go
I just seem to blow everything that I love tonight
I've been hiding here
I've been lying here
Watching life passing by
I want you to know
I want you to know
I'd die for you
I'd die for you
I felt this earth spin and crash
The end of the world shouldn't come so fast
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better than you
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better, better, better than you
Oh everyone's losing their minds
Healthy in paranoid times
I've said all my prayers for tonight
It's never goodbye
It's never good - bye ...
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better than you
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
Oh, no one will ever compare
Will ever be better, better, better than you
Better than you
Better than you
Better than you
Better than you
---------------
Raine Maida
---------------
I wish I could take everything back. But I can't. And I'm just,... I don't know.
I need a drink.
Fuck it. |
|
|
| Meh. |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|12:05 pm] |
Yesterday was my birthday. I don't remember much of it, we'll say I had fun.
Had the most wonderful dream to go with it though,... oh,... and it was fun getting down from the roof,... does ANYONE know how in the fuck I ended up THERE?
Probably not.
Ah well,... I'll figure it out, what with my being a genius and everything. |
|
|
| Smoking up a storm. |
[May. 7th, 2007|05:18 pm] |
Up to a pack and a half a day.
I do nothing but sleep.
Spring break was fun, but that was far far away.
I think I'm seeing things that don't exist.
... people, that don't exist.
No Tyler though,... this is good. |
|
|
| Spring Break |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|01:29 pm] |
Left for Spring break, came back, did horrible things to tan people, wrapped my arms around a man in a large mouse costume. Fun was had.
Still not with men. Sex comes in the form of pussy only these days, but the beach was full of bunnies and I was happy to dive right in, and I wasn't the only one. Hah.
Easter has come again, and with it the best candy in the fucking world, the cadburry egg. HOLYFUCKINGMOTHEROFGOD are these things good. I have twenty billion of them. They are all mine.
I've decided something. It's just plain cuntly to break up with someone over LJ. Siryn. You're a fucking cunt.
Kurt, you're an idiot. Go find someone else.
Everyone else.
I am currently residing in the tides of sanity,... the voice in my head has been quiet for quite some time,... don't ask. And though I am still in the stages of greif,... I am,... getting,... kind of better. I think. In a way.
I mean,... mentioning him in a bad way would set me off,... and i'd do bad things, maybe,.. I don't know.... Just,... be gentle with your words around me, I'm gettting less homicidal by the day, ha.
P.S. Grindhouse is fucking awesome. |
|
|
| Aggression |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|05:20 pm] |
went to the Danger Room for a while today. Ran one of Jason's old chainsaw programs.
Didn't make me feel any better.
What the hell is wrong with me? |
|
|
| Boredom and Cigarette Burns. |
[Jan. 30th, 2007|08:46 pm] |
Had a little accident the other night. Now my arm looks like an ashtray. Fuck.
Talked to Marc for a while the other night, or was it last night? I don't know anymore. Fuck time.
Someone removed the steering wheel from StevenTheAsshole's car, and I find it goddamned hillarious. Good for them. Bad for him. It's a win win situation for me as a spectator.
Today I finish with the arts and crafts bullshit i've been steeping myself in lately. No more fucking sewing. Fuck sewing..... after I finish anyhow. |
|
|
| A Man Named Steven |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|01:59 pm] |
Broke my fucking door.
Let out my kitten.
Screwed up my bed.
Bodily injured a friend of mine.
I am not fucking pleased.
If he weren't connected to another friend of mine through marriage he'd be in mortal danger at the moment.
BUT NOOO, I'm laying off of the Bad Things in life.
You're fucking lucky. Steven. |
|
|
| .... |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|07:44 pm] |
evahnacignihtemostnawtsujiemlletnoemocebdesuotforednignikcuf
gnidafatsujeesillaerouykoolierehwyreveemasehtllstiwonki
wonneskoolllatihguohtemahsahcusekilsmeestiecalpsihtni
emlletnoemoctraehadahifirolocehtebdluowyerg
trapaemgnikatlywolssignihtsihtwohemwohsotenoehterewsyawlauoy
evahrevennacigninhteomstnawtsujignihtemostnawtsjuiyawaoglla
sihtekamuoyyawaogllasihtekamuoy
flesymeracsotgnitratsmidnagnihtenotsujotnwodmiyawaogllasihtekam
youyawaogllasihtekam
eromynapeelsottnawtnodillitaehymhguorhtgniparcserohsahsawllits
uoyfosmeardetirovafym
sraeymnignignirehtekiltsujeciovruoygniohcesraetrouyfoetsateht
llacerllitsi. |
|
|
| New Years. |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|04:51 pm] |
Drank.
Watched the ball drop.
Went to sleep.
I should have crashed a party. |
|
|
| Return. |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|01:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stabbing Westward - Everything I Touch I Break. | ] |
Xavier was "nice" enough to allow me posting access again. WHoop de fucking do.
Yeah, i came back. At the request of Dani and in a way I assume for Jason as well. When he was still here.
I don't know if I'm crazy, I don't know if it was the drugs, fuck I don't know id he really was there or not. I just know he's gone now, whatever it was.
Tyler hasn't said anything in weeks, I'm starting to think maybe finally letting things sink into my skull chased the demon away.
I doubt it, but there's hope. Hope is stupid.
I have come to the realization that he's dead, and i did it. My mind would not grasp this concept for a very long time.
I wish I could just see him one last time, just fucking one,...
I'm here for help, try to stop the urges and impulses. I also doubt that this shit will work.
If it doesn't,... I may as well be in prison afterall. There is no place for a person like me in this world. Not that there should be.
I notice almost everyone I used to know is gone. This school seems to be dying of boredom, even worse than usual. Simple dramatic bullshit floods you goddamned journals and I want the time it took me to read that shit back.
My eyes are brown again,... I liked them better blue.
Take Remy's advice.
Leave me alone.
If I want to talk to you, I'll talk to YOU, not the other way round.
I'm not sane you know. |
|
|
| Look, I'm Not Banned From The School's List Yet. |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|09:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Make The Voices Stop. | ] |
Yes. I killed Jason.
None of you know anything. None of you ever gave a fuck about him until suddenly he's dead. I go and hide and try to fix myself but there is no way back, and do any of you keep him company in my absence? No. No. You selfish fucks. I loved him. None of you gave a FUCK.
I tried, so hard. SO hard. To keep him clean and safe and away from me. I wasn't with him. I never touched him. For how long? For how long could you hold out? How fucking long could you stop yourself from being with someone you fucking wanted? It was an accident. I never touched him. Jason was sick. I killed him twice. I killed Frost too. I killed them a long time ago. I was dead too.
Logan, Logan and his stupid hair and claws and knitting skin. I left him smeared on the pavement somewhere in Iowa. Because of him I'm trapped now, no escape from this hell. No escape from the screaming in my head and the screaming in my lungs and the screaming that builds and never stops. No escape from Jason. He stares at me. And there is nothing I can do to make him stop. I can't make them go away. His eyes. They are there aren't they?
I killed them,... I should have saved Frost a long time ago. I was too weak. I was too fucking stupid. I never told her anything, I never told her she was perfect. I just wanted her to be happy and safe and far away from anything I felt for her, because in the end I break them all. I break everything. Jason is dead. He was dead anyway, I just gave him a faster end. I kissed him goodbye before his body ate itself. Before he floated away and couldn't come down. Before he drank himself into a bloody bathtub. It's all my fault.
There is no hope for me. He'll find me now. I know he will. Someone will tell them my name and he will find me. I'll go away but he'll find me.
Logan will be fine. Logan is always fine. I didn't hurt him, that wasn't my fault. That wasn't my fault. I didn't hurt anyone. Jason didn't feel a thing. I'd believe that if he'd just stop staring at me..... make it stop. god make it all stop.
I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore. But I know Xavier will block me once I'm done,... I'll be locked out and left alone.
I should have stayed lonely. |
|
|
| For The Professor. |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|03:25 am] |
I can't remember the password to my email right now. Just checking in,... I'm still,... not feeling very well at all,... and I still don't want to see anyone.
Except Dani if she wants to do my laundry again,.. but not if she wants to talk.
Everyone else,... please,... just stay the fuck away. |
|
|
| Headache. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|05:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
It hurts. Get it out of my head. Get everything out of my head. |
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|
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